XOXO...AMY...XOXO
ALWAYS IN OUR HEARTS
IT'S SO CURIOUS: ONE CAN RESIST
TEARS AND BEHAVE VERY WELL IN
THE HARDEST HOUR OF GRIEF.
BUT THEN SOMEONE MAKES YOU A
FRIENDLY SIGN BEHIND A WINDOW,
OR ONE NOTICES THAT A FLOWER
THAT WAS A BUD ONLY YESTERDAY
HAS SUDDENLY BLOSSOMED, OR A
LETTER SLIPS FROM A DRAWER...
AND EVERYTHING COLLAPSES.
~COLETTE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MY PRAYERS CONTINUE TO BE
WITH MOLLYE, HER PUNKIN, AND
CHILDREN.
MAY THEY FEEL THE PEACE
AND LOVE OF THE LORD.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I HAVE NEVER MOVED AMY'S
CLOTHES FROM HER HOUSE OR MINE.
QUITE FRANKLY THE ONLY THING THAT
HAS LEFT HER HOUSE IS HER
WASHING MACHINE AND DRYER AS
RICHIE AND MEGAN'S W&D BROKE.
AMY HAD A BEAUTIFUL W&D AND I
COULD NOT SEE IT SETTING IN THE
BASEMENT OF HER HOUSE WHEN
MY SON AND HIS LOVELY WIFE NEEDED
IT.
I LOVE TO SMELL AMY'S CLOTHES.
THEY SMELL JUST LIKE HER.
SHE LOVED BATH AND BODY WORKS
AND I NEVER KNEW WHEN SHE CAME
OUT OF HER BATH IF SHE WOULD
SMELL LIKE A CHERRY ORCHARD,
A PEACH, OR A CUCUMBER. WE USE
TO LAUGH ABOUT THAT ALL THE TIME.
SHE TOOK EXCELLENT CARE OF HER
SKIN...ONLY SHE WENT TO THE TANNING
BOOTH. I ASK HER TIME AND TIME AGAIN
TO NOT DO IT, HAVING HAD A BAD
CANCER WHEN SHE WAS A GIRL.
BUT SHE CONTINUED BECAUSE SHE
SAID IT FELT SO WONDERFUL TO HER
SKIN.
I MISS HER SO VERY MUCH. I STILL
LISTEN FOR HER TO COME THROUGH
THE DOOR AND SET DOWN HER PURSE
THAT WAS ALMOST AS BIG AS HER...
HER SIGNATURE WAS TO TIE ONE OF
MY SCARVES ON THE STRAP OF HER
PURSE...AND ANDY AND SPACEY WOULD
TAKE TURNS STICKING THEIR HEAD IN
HER PURSE. SPACEY IS LIKE A RACCOON...
HE LOOKS FOR SHINY THINGS AND THEN
WHEN YOU LEAVE THE ROOM HE TAKES
WHAT HE FANCIES AND THEN RUNS TO
HIS HIDING PLACE. ONCE WE FOUND HIS
STASH: 3 NECKLACES AND 5 STRAWS.
OH YEAH...IF YOU ARE NOT LOOKING HE
WILL STEAL THE STRAW OUT OF YOUR
CUP. I HOPE HE IS NOT TEACHING
WALKER TALKER HIS WAYS.
EARLY THIS MORNING I WAS STANDING
IN THE KITCHEN, LOOKING AT THE
ROOSTERS SHE HAD BOUGHT FOR ME
AT DIFFERENT TIMES AND THE TEAPOT
LAMP I KEEP ON IN HER MEMORY. IT
LIGHTS THE KITCHEN AS I WALK
THROUGH.
IT HIT ME SO VERY HARD.....
"ACCEPTANCE!"
I KNEW AMY WAS IN HEAVEN BUT
I DID NOT WANT TO ACCEPT IT.
I FOUGHT IT AS HARD AS I COULD.
BUT THIS MORNING I GRIEVED AND
MOANED AND TRAVAILED. IT HAS
TAKEN ME 8 MONTHS TO GET TO
THIS POINT AND I FEEL EMPTY AND
EXHAUSTED. BUT AS I PUSH INTO
GOD HE WILL HUG ME EVEN TIGHTER
AND HE KNOWS ALL THINGS AND I
TRUST HIM. YES, I TRUST YOU
LORD JESUS WITH MY WHOLE HEART.
GIVE AMY A BIG HUG FOR ME, LORD
AND REMIND HER HOW MUCH HER
MOTHER, DADDY AND BROTHER LOVE
HER. I WILL NEED YOUR HELP
LORD AS I WALK THIS ROAD OF
ACCEPTANCE. BLESS THOSE
SWEET BLOGGERS WHO HAVE BEEN
SO VERY KIND AND SUPPORTIVE
TO ME. TOUCH THOSE I HAVE MET
LORD, WHO HAVE CHILDREN IN HEAVEN
WITH YOU.
HEAL THOSE LORD, WHO ARE BEING
ATTACKED WITH THIS CANCER AND
GIVE THEIR FAMILIES REST, PEACE,
AND STRENGTH TO RUN THE RACE.
WE, WHO HAVE HAD TO GIVE OUR
CHILDREN BACK TO YOU,
ARE A MEMBER OF A GROUP
WE DON'T WANT TO BELONG
TO.
I LOVE YOU LORD
YOUR DAUGHTER, DEBBIE
THANK YOU FOR JOINING GRACIE ANN
AND ME TODAY. IT MEANS SO MUCH TO
ME. I DON'T KNOW IF SOME OF YOU
KNOW BUT I TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS
BECAUSE OF THE DAMAGE CAUSED TO
MY EYES FROM DIABETES. IT MAKES
IT EASIER FOR ME TO SEE ESPECIALLY
ON PINK SATURDAY WHEN I TRY TO
VISIT AT LEAST 60 PLUS PEOPLE.
THIS BLOG IS LIKE MY JOURNAL.
I HAVE ALWAYS SPOKE FROM MY
HEART. WHAT I RITE IS NOT MEANT
TO BE DEPRESSING OR HEAVY FOR
ANYONE...I HOPE IT WILL HELP ANY
ONE WHO IS HURTING.
DEATH CAN BE A LOSS OF A JOB,
A DIVORCE, THE GULF OIL SPILL OR ANY
THING THAT CAUSES YOU GRIEF.
WITH ALL GRIEF COMES THE DIFFERENT
STAGES...AND THE FINAL IS
"ACCEPTANCE."
I LOVE LOOKING AT YOUR
BEAUTIFUL HOMES AND THEY TAKE
ME AWAY TO A PLACE THAT INSPIRES
ME.
I DON'T ALWAYS SHOW MY FLUFF
BUT I STILL NEED YOU AND YOUR
COMMENTS.
THAT IS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING.
I WEAR MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE AND
WHEN YOU HURT I HURT...AND I WANT
TO BE OF HELP AND SO I PRAY.
I AM AS POOR AS A CHURCH MOUSE
BUT I AM "WEALTHY" IN JESUS.
THE ONLY THING I WANT IS
MY DAUGHTER AND THAT WILL NOT
BE GIVEN TO ME IN THIS LIFE.
"ACCEPTANCE"
LOVE, HUGS, AND BLESSINGS
SIMPLY DEBBIE
9 comments:
Debbie, I am so happy for you. Along with acceptance comes a bit of relief that it is okay to move on.....we all grieve differently and go through the stages at different times. Letting go was so hard for me but like you I knew it, and felt it when it happened. God is good Debbie, our children are happy with God and one day we will join them.
Stay strong and be well......always keeping you in my prayers......:-) Hugs
Beautiful post Debbie dearest.
You write deeply.
Have a wonderful week.
xoxo
Good Morning Sweet Debbie, I have always LOVED your "all caps" posts, they seem to be SCREAMING "LOOK AT ME, I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY!".
I know today must have been draining for you. I'm very, very proud of you~
I think I will tie a scarf around my purse and head to the grocery store. I think it will somehow give me some of Amy's strength....I so need it!
Have a beautiful Thursday DEBBIE!
much ♥,Lilly
Debbie, you are a bright light shining in the dark to all who read your posts here, and probably to everyone you encounter during your day. This post was so sensitive and beautifully written, and you made some progress as you grieved and moaned.
You are so strong to love God even in the hardest loss.
Bless you, Terra
Oh Debbie that was a beautiful letter. When I went to my grief group those moments are called SUG - sudden upsurge of grief - they come when you least expect it and they are normal.
When my brother died - and I had never ever done this before or for a matter of fact after - was I wailed. I had read about it in the Bible, but didn't think it was much more then crying, but wailing is a whole different cry. I can't explain it.
And don't beat up on yourself so much - 8 months or 8 years - there is no time to be done grieving.
Be gentle on yourself like Amy was to you.
And I say hurray for letting your son have the washer and dryer - Amy will live on through things like that.
I pray for sweet Mollye too.
(((hugs))) sandie
Dearest Debbie, You write so honestly about your grief and what you go through on any given day. Acceptance is hard indeed, but it release something, doesn't it? And with the release comes some healing.
xoxo
Claudia
Debbie, you are one inspiring and amazing woman. I can't begin to imagine how much you miss Amy...
Hi Debbie,
I've been on your sight for a long time, getting to know you and wishing I could meet Amy. It will be two years in October since Jonathan died[I just can't say that word passed] and I still have not gone through his things. His brothers brought all his stuff here right after his death but they can't go through it yet either. I have his bandanna in my sock drawer and I smell it often.In April I went to a seminar on grieving after loosing a child and the one thing they said that helped me was "You will never be the same" of course I already knew that but having someone confirm it made it more real. Sometimes the pictures I have all over the place are comforting and sometimes they make me hysterical.I never apologize for my tears the are my expression of love to one I can no longer hold and I know I need them. Be blessed today my dear friend. I will feature you on my PS blog tomorrow. Your friend Meg
I just found your blog and had to stop and tell you...I am sending you a huge hug right now. I so envy your acceptance ...I still can't accept my mothers passing and July 7 will be a year. Some days are better than others but it all comes back to that raw stage. I know this in no way compares to loosing a child...I have 4 grown of my own and I so can't even imagine what your going thru. Is this where there is only one set of footsteps in the sand for us? Hoping you have a wonderful weekend...Beth
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